Self-Talk, Group/Introductory Lesson

My Truth Vs Real Truth

Opening Story:             

              Imagine a whole group of us went to a restaurant. We waited out front until the hostess called us back and then everyone took their seats. A table filled with knowledge, years of experience, and humor. We order our meals and continue in light-hearted communication.

              Just as the waiter returns with appetizers, the front door of the restaurant swings open with a crash and a masked gunman enters. People fall to the ground across the restaurant, hiding from the intruder. He yells threats, waves his gun, and demands all the cash from the register.

              While he robs the place, there are many social roles happening. Some people are completely petrified; frozen in place and shaking. Others are vigilant, watching every move and calculating the safest route to a rear exit. The heroic types are waiting in the wings for an opportune time to stop the armed robber. And some are acting protectively, trying to keep others safe.

              Once the robber escapes, the police arrive, and questioning begins. Each person remembers different parts. Some remember how tall he was in relation to the door frame while others noticed the color of his skin. One person recalls the tattoos on his forearms and neck while another noticed the shoes and clothes he wore. One man had the foresight to sneak to the window and memorize the tag number as he left while someone else remembered the color of his vehicle. There was even one person who described the pitch of his voice. But then there were the ones who were so scared they couldn’t recall anything except their own fear.

              What makes people react so differently in intense situations? It all goes back to our past experiences and professional training. People with intense fear because of abuse, stalking, or other malicious behavior may turn off completely. Their autonomic nervous response is to freeze because it reawakens hidden trauma. Those who are first responders, caretakers of young ones, or have military training may react with a level of confidence that results from adrenaline in the moment.

              Why do I even share this story? Because how we respond and the things we remember about certain events all go back to our past. I might notice the tattoos on his forearm and the markings on his neck while someone else notices the size of his hands and neck. Which one is right?

Both. We see situations from the perspective that has been formed in our mind over the years. If we are always ready for an attack, on eggshells, and ready for the next blow up, we will see everyone as a potential offender before they even open their mouths. If we’ve been lied to our whole lives, we will handle every situation alone, keep people at arm’s length, and assume everyone will let us down. If we’ve been the victim of regular belittling, chances are great that we have a poor self-image and are constantly comparing ourselves to others, always coming up short.

              And what happens to our minds? We form narratives. Imagine what went through different brains during the restaurant scene.

              If I can just get an opening, I can take him without causing harm.

              Maybe if I’m quiet and submissive it will be over soon.

              Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

              Where are the kids? I’ve got to protect the kids. I can’t lose any of them.

              Where’s my phone? I’ve got to call 911.

              Exits. Exits. How can I get out of here?

              This week is all about self-talk and why we each form certain patterns. Our past has a lot to do with our present, maybe even more than we realize.

Scripture Reading:

Read 1 Kings 17:7-16 (NIV)

Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. Then the word of the Lord came to him: “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”

“As surely as the Lord your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”

Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’”

She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah.

Discussion

1.      What influenced the widow’s initial response to Elijah?

2.      Discuss whether you would have been able to complete Elijah’s directions with full trust.

3.      What instances and experiences from your past influence how you respond in work situations? Home? Friendships?

4.      What happens to you when you are under intense pressure? Why do you respond that way?

5.      What is your internal dialogue like on a regular basis? Why?

Personal Reflection

              Think about how you would have responded in the restaurant scenario; not how you would want to act, but how you would respond in reality. What past experiences influence how you respond? What would have been going on internally?