Cognitive Symptoms

Day 3, Burnout

              “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16 (ESV)

She sat across the table from me, eyes distant, mind wandering. Her words told the story of an amazing, strong, determined woman. They had been missionaries overseas, fell in love with the culture, adopted children, and taught them about Jesus. Everything she shared sounded magical.

For years, they ministered to the local people and their family was completely immersed in the culture. She homeschooled her ten children and also held weekly English classes. Her husband taught bible studies in their home and also taught the men English. Men and women were educated separately and the women were responsible for the children until they became older teens.

They never got a break. Every single day was filled with ministry or family responsibilities. It was all so good. People were coming to know Jesus. Her children were turning into amazing human beings and mastering their schoolwork. She never suspected anything was off.  Or noticed that her husband was staying up way too late at night working.

She went into his office to print some schoolwork for the kids and she saw the pictures on the computer. Confusion. Anger. Tears. She sat down and combed the contents of his computer and the sexual pictures and videos were everywhere. Her heart broke inside and she sat in there on the couch until he came in for the evening and confronted him.

Ten years. Not long after they began their ministry in the area. He promised he’d work on it. Promised to seek accountability. But in her mind, everything began unraveling. Weeks turned into months. She felt dead inside, just going through the motions. No matter how hard she pushed, there was no way she could get her mind to concentrate. She blamed herself for not being present. For not seeing the signs. And then the negative thinking took her spiraling. Nothing was good enough. There was no silver lining. And she couldn’t see God’s hand in any of it.

Her husband asked her if they needed to go back to the states. He told her she wasn’t herself. She couldn’t rationalize anything. The world felt like it was crushing in on her. Thankfully her husband applied for a two-year furlough and brought the family to the states. He got her into a local Christian in-patient clinic, which is where our paths finally crossed and I heard her story.

Her therapist told her she was depressed, anxious, and burned out. She pushed too hard for too long without any rest and when life became too much, her husband’s hidden addiction sent her over the edge. The woman sitting across from me felt helpless and hopeless and had no idea how to get back to being herself again. That’s what burnout does.

The cognitive signs of burnout are simple to state, but hard to recognize in the moment: Decreased Concentration, Memory Issues, Indecisiveness, and Negative Thinking. We may not experience all of them at one time, it might be gradual, but we must be aware. Full on burnout is debilitating.

Do the Heart Work

1.      Is there any part of this story you relate to? Which parts?

2.      What led to the lady’s burnout? What leads to our burnout?

3.      How does turning to God when we suspect we are headed toward burnout help us stay centered?

Digging Deeper

Read 2 Samuel 9:1-13 (NIV)

David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”

Now there was a servant of Saul’s household named Ziba. They summoned him to appear before David, and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?”

“At your service,” he replied.

The king asked, “Is there no one still alive from the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?”

Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is lame in both feet.”

 “Where is he?” the king asked.

Ziba answered, “He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.”

 So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel.

When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor.

David said, “Mephibosheth!”

“At your service,” he replied.

 “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.”

Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?”

Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.” (Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.)

Then Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s^[a] table like one of the king’s sons.

Mephibosheth had a young son named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of Mephibosheth. And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet.

Sometimes there are outside factors that lead to our minds reaching the overwhelm point. I love this story of Mephibosheth. David went out of his way to show the young man kindness since he was the last of Saul’s living kin, Jonathan’s son. Mephibosheth was likely scared and had been in hiding since David took the throne. Not only that, but his physical issues likely added to his cognitive struggles.

Outside factors lead us to burnout. Thankfully David showed him kindness, but it could have been a completely different story.

If You Get Spare Time

              Examine the load that you carry. Do you feel weighed down by its heaviness? What if one more thing was added? Would you break?

              We aren’t designed to live that close to burnout all the time. See what you can end, get rid of, or eliminate from your life, especially if you are experiencing any of the cognitive issues we discussed.