Emotional Symptoms
- Christy Bass Adams
- 6 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Day 2, Burnout
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair. 2 Corinthians 4:8 (ESV)
From 2020 to 2023, I planned my life in fifteen-minute increments. There was no wasted time; every minute was valuable and mattered. During this season, my husband and I were drying in and completing the finish work on our house and every spare second was poured into completing the project. I planed, edged, sanded, installed, and built. We were the contractors and I was the one with a part-time job at the time, so I worked for several hours every day.
During this time, my husband was suffering from depression after a bout of cancer. Even though he beat it, the sickness of treatments and reality of mortality sent him spiraling. That meant I was mom, wife, garbage hauler, yard mower, weed cutter, house cleaner, and chef all while writing ten hours a week, working part time twenty hours a week, and building on the house twenty to thirty hours a week. Every second of every day had to be calculated and used wisely in order to get everything done.
While we were building the house, I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, my husband went through cancer, surgery, and treatments, and three of my grandparents died, one per year. I pushed through all of it, trying to finish the house before our permit ran out.
Finally, January 2024 came around. We moved into the house and I thought my life was going to slow down and get better. I added more time playing pickleball and working around the house. I was able to write more and do more ministry. But I grew antsy and irritable. Every little stressor was one more than I could handle. My heart started having more bouts with tachycardia and I ended up at the ER a couple times. My kids would ask me questions and the overwhelm of a simple question caused extreme anxiety. After a couple more months, I had no desire to cook, clean, or do anything around the house. Periodically a wave of sadness hit and I couldn’t fight the tears. My husband aggravated me. The kids wore me out. And I wanted to hide from everyone until I felt like myself again.
I burned out. I lived on adrenaline and cortisol for years and now I couldn’t anymore. Oblivious at the time, I now know my body was screaming for me to rest. I needed to properly grieve all the changes and loss. Being productive and getting things done meant I had suppressed all my emotions, both good and bad, for way too long. And now that I had permission to slow down, my body decided to send them all to the top to start dealing with.
Anxiety had never been an issue for me, so when I had overwhelm and brain fog, I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t cried or felt much for over three years, just powered through. I couldn’t figure out why the emotions were there or where they came from, just felt like an onslaught sometimes. Survival created really bad habits and the results of burn out lingered long past when they should have.
Burnout is real. And the effects on us as human beings are huge. And it’s not a “suck it up, Buttercup” sort of thing. It may take months. Therapy. Talking through things. And a total rework of how we do life. (1)
Do the Heart Work
1. Have you experienced the emotional symptoms of burnout in your life? Think about that season and what led to those feelings.
2. What happens to educators when they begin experiencing these symptoms without realizing where they are coming from?
3. What role do you think God plays in these emotions?
Digging Deeper
God told Jonah to go to Ninevah. He ran the opposite way. Then God had a giant fish swallow him up, hold him three days, then spit him up on the shore. Reluctantly he went and gave the people of Ninevah the message. At this point he had to be exhausted from the journey and he definitely didn’t want to preach hope to the Ninevites and have them repent—which is exactly what happened. Let’s pick it up in Jonah 4:1-11 (NIV).
But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”
But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”
Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.”
But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”
“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”
But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”
Burnout makes us see the world through eyes of self, like Jonah. We can’t view the world for what it is because we have a broken perspective. Keep that in mind and be careful what emotions you trust and decisions you make.
If You Get Spare Time
Educators are either there because they love it or there because they used to love it and haven’t realized their love has died. It takes a special breed to place themselves on the front line of society and educate our future day in and day out. In my opinion, it is the most underpaid and undervalued position in the workforce, but it is the one that can make or break a child.
Burnout comes to those of us who love big and push too hard. Expect to experience it at some point. Take time to analyze your emotions this week. Check for the signs: Irritability, Anxiety, Low Mood, Detachment, Feeling Inadequate, Crying or Numbness. Then take the steps to begin undoing the damage.
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