Children

Day 5, When Our Homelife Interferes

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 (ESV)

              Even though Jonni had been married for twenty years, most days she functioned as a single parent. All the homework, meetings, sports, church activities, cooking, cleaning, and yard work was done by her. She worked full-time as a teacher and struggled balancing everything in her world.

Her youngest was four and definitely unplanned. The next oldest was seventeen and didn’t think the rules applied to him. And her oldest, twenty-four, lived in an apartment over the garage when he wasn’t strung out on the latest drug or in and out of rehab.

During the middle of teaching science one morning, Jonni received a call from the school nurse. Her pre-k son was puking his guts out and she needed to get him. The nurse also told her to check his head well because there was a lice outbreak in his class. Immediately stressed, she called for a substitute, laid out her emergency sub plans, and picked up her little guy.

On the way home, the high school principal called. Her middle son was caught with several bags of weed and had been arrested for intent to sell. She could pick him up at the station after five.

Jonni’s heart dropped. Her husband had his poker game scheduled for tonight. She’d learned not to interrupt his poker night for anything. Her oldest son was in rehab again and wasn’t home to sit with her youngest. She’d have to ask her elderly neighbor—again—and hope the sickness wasn’t airborne.

On the way to the police station, there was huge pop and her car swerved to a stop on the grassy shoulder of the highway. Her back rear tire busted. Her husband promised he’d get the tires looked at but never got around to it.  She opened the trunk and found the spare tire, jack, and lug wrench. Carefully, she set it up and just when she was ready to take the tire off, the clouds let loose and torrential rain soaked her in seconds.

Tears poured down her face. Any adrenaline she had, left her body. She collapsed on the wet ground, held her face in her hands, and sobbed. I can’t do this, God. There’s not enough of me. My little guy is sick. My oldest is an addict, just like his dad. And now, my high schooler has been arrested for the same problem. I’m such a failure. What have I done to deserve all of this? I just want to quit.

The cry of Jonni is familiar to many of us, isn’t it? It seems when it rains, it pours, and there just isn’t enough of us to go around. Sometimes the glue loses its stickiness and just can’t pull it all back together. There are days when we just want to quit. Why keep putting forth the effort when no one appreciates it and it seems to be in vain?

Our kids and family can absolutely overwhelm us sometimes. Maybe it’s not this exact scenario, but we are feeling the stress of trying to keep it all together. Being an educator in this society is hard enough, much less everything at home falling apart. How do we keep this out of our work life? How do we function day to day when we are literally only able to go through the motions?

That’s when we need to remember that none of us are ever alone. First, we have God and we need to wholeheartedly cry to him. Then we need to ask our support team for prayer and physical support, even if we feel like we are in the negative with those kinds of favors. And then we remind ourselves that we have gotten through one hundred percent of our worst days to this point and this one will not be the one that will take us out.

Do the Heart Work

1.      How do your kids/stepkids impact your home life and work life?

2.      Who is your support team that you call when all hell breaks loose in your life?

3.      What  helps do you have in place for when things fly off the handle unexpectedly (flat tire kit, tool box, emergency sub plans, etc)?

Digging Deeper

Read 2 Samual 13:1-15 (NIV)

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.  Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.  Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

  David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him.  Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

"No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

              Later in the chapter, King David heard of this great sin and was furious. He was played by his son and now his daughter had been violated by his son. Talk about family drama and compounded frustration. Even King David was not exempt from his children acting out in unpredictable ways, and neither are we.

If You Get Spare Time

              Remember that when it seems that life can’t get any worse, it usually can. God is still bigger and he is the only refuge we can find. We don’t need to run back to old bad habits. It’s okay to completely fall apart and cry. And it’s okay if we have to miss work to get a grip personally. We owe it to our personal kids and our professional kids to not mix the two worlds in an unhealthy way. What are some ways you can take care of yourself on days like these?