Marriage Struggles

Day 2, When Our Homelife Interferes

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)

              My first-year teaching, there was a staff member who fancied himself the best thing since sliced bread. He carried himself with a cocky arrogance and flirtatiously interacted with women any chance he had.

              As a newly married, fresh-out-of-college teacher, this was my first real experience in the American workforce. I’d worked at a private Christian school for two years and at a Christian coffee shop previously, but never full-time in the regular world. I didn’t understand how workplace relationships happened. My naivety blinded and shielded me from understanding how adults truly acted. But that year, my eyes opened.

              I watched with disbelief throughout the year. Obvious late afternoon meetings. Intentional visits to certain halls. But the more I saw his actions, the more I noticed the actions of other people too. Lingering in certain classrooms after hours talking or venting. Occasional hugs or back pats that became more frequent and held longer. Suddenly, I understood what I couldn’t before: we are all one decision away from stupid.

              But sometimes the marriage issue doesn’t come from our end, but from our spouse’s. They are the ones who spend more time with someone else at work or at the gym. The difficulties of marriage are hard enough without the temptation to step outside the marriage bed. But what do we do when we are trying to make the best progress in our classrooms, help our students perform well, and our marriage begins falling apart? How do we function in our daily responsibilities when our private world comes unraveled?

              The emotional toll of a broken marriage creates doubts, anger, questions, fear, hate, and uncertainty. And what happens when the marriage ends in divorce, leaving the teaching spouse with a single income? And what if there are kids involved? Just the weight of thinking through these questions seems overwhelming, much less personally walking through the pain. Years of devotion go up in smoke and the tears of betrayal overwhelm. How can we separate that deep, personal pain from our professional role as educators?

              First, make sure to inform the administrator and team leader. These people need to be in our corner and understand what is happening. Next, work while at work and deal with personal things after hours. Make clear distinctions mentally and act on it physically. Compartmentalizing work and personal is huge. Lean on God and godly friends. Let the car ride be filled with scripture, worship music, and prayer. Whenever possible, fill our time with good things, even if processing those good things is difficult. Keeping the two worlds separated may be difficult, but it’s important not to talk about our love lives, marriages, and struggles in front of our students.

Do the Heart Work

1.      If you have ever had to try to keep work and marriage issues separate, what tactics worked best?

2.      Discuss the importance of keeping personal and work separated as much as possible.

3.      What role does God play in helping you through this season?

Digging Deeper            

When hardship comes, sometimes the only answer we have is wait and rest on Jesus. We don’t know what’s coming next or how it will impact our future, all we can do is lean on Jesus a day at a time. Let these verses minister to your soul.

1.      But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 (ESV)

2.      Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)

3.      Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 (ESV)

4.      Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:9 (ESV)

If You Get Spare Time

              I don’t know about you, but in my life, it seems that when it rains it pours. When one personal issue flares up, all of them do. And the issues bring their friends: anxiety and depression. I’ve wrestled with depression my whole life, but never called it depression. I called it laziness, procrastination, and binging. Take a look at your life and current situation and honestly identify the problem spots. Are you depressed? Anxious? Don’t be afraid to get help from a therapist, or even get on medication if necessary. Don’t struggle alone.