People Pleasing

Motives, Day 1

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 (ESV)

In 2017, God really moved on my heart to start sharing more candidly in my writing. Surface writing wouldn’t cut it anymore; I needed to share my deeper struggles.

For all the life-time people pleasers out there, being authentic is one of the hardest things to do. The reason we people please is to protect our deeper selves, keep the peace, and squeak through this life without causing unnecessary notice. Exposing our true selves isn’t something we people pleasers desire to do at all. That only sets us up for attacks and arguments, neither of which we desire.

So, when God began prodding my heart to write about the harder struggles of my personal life, I got scared. What would people think if they knew the real me? Would they still want to read what I wrote? Would they attack my weaknesses or judge me harshly? During that time, I had a choice to make: I could write the easy stuff or write what God was asking me to write. Even though I was scared, I chose obedience. And I am so glad I did.

My first vulnerable piece of writing came out in the newspaper and on my blog. I second guessed my obedience and struggled internally. But then something amazing happened. People responded.

“Me too.”

“I thought I was the only one who felt this way.”

“Thanks for sharing, I needed that.”

I was stunned. This was the most response I’d ever received from a piece of writing. Did people really want authenticity? As I examined this thought process, I asked myself, What kind of writing draws me in? What type of writer do I most relate to?

The answer was obvious. I was drawn to people who were honest, shared their heart, and invited me into their imperfect world. And that was when my writing style began to change.

Was it easy? Never. Did I continue? Yes. I even tattooed the phrase, Be Brave, on my hand as a reminder to always be willing to put myself out there when typing. If God led me to write it, there was a reason and someone who needed to hear it.

People pleasing is a dangerous trap that kept me in bondage to other people; and those people never knew how much control they had over me. My internal need for their approval drove so much of what I did for way too many years. Learning to check my motivation for doing things has been a game changer. I am me, take it or leave it.

Are you or have you been stuck in the people pleasing trap? It’s time to examine your ways.

Do the Heart Work

1.      If you are a people pleaser, why do you think you became that type of person?

2.      Is it easy or hard to be your authentic self? Explain.

3.      What motives are at the heart of a people pleaser?

Digging Deeper

Read the following verses and think about how they relate to people pleasing versus being authentic.

1.      Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 (ESV)

2.      But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. 1 Thessalonians 2:4 (ESV)

3.      I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 (ESV)

4.      For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God. John 12:43 (ESV)

It seems as if God cares more about us pleasing him than the men of this world.

If You Get Spare Time 

              Spend time examining your various relationships: work, church, family, friends. How do you interact and at what level to the different people in your life truly know you? If you are hiding your real self instead of living freely, ask yourself why. People pleasing will eventually wear you out. Why not go ahead and break the cycle?