Esteem Needs

Day 4, Maslow

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 (ESV)

              The journal topic on the board was listed as a free write. My students loved free write day because they knew I would read everything they wrote and comment back to them. Some shared silly stories from real life while others wrote creative stories. But there were a few who shared themselves on those pages. They wrote about their struggles, feelings, and questions and these were the ones that touched me the most.

              This particular morning Annie began writing and a few minutes later, tore the page out, balled it up, and threw it away.  Once she sat down, she started again. But a few minutes later she ripped the page out, balled it up, and threw it away again. This happened five or more times when I finally pulled up a chair beside her.

              “I just can’t get it right. My handwriting is messy and I spelled the words wrong and I’m just a terrible writer.”

              “Woah, hold up a minute. First of all, you are a fabulous writer and I don’t grade journals on neatness or spelling. This doesn’t usually bother you. Is something else wrong?”

              Annie burst into tears. “My daddy moved out last night. Maybe if I’m good enough I can make him come home.”

              I gave her a side hug. “Sweetheart, your daddy leaving has nothing to do with you.”

              “Yes it does. He said so when they were arguing. He has only stayed because of me. Now I have to make sure everything is perfect all the time so maybe my daddy can come home.”

              This precious nine-year-old child was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She thought she had to do everything perfect; not because of something someone said directly to her, but because of a conversation she should never have heard. And then from that point forward a silent pressure nagged at her. No mistakes were allowed. Only perfection. From handwriting to behavior to cleanliness to appearance. Her esteem was broken, and her parents would never know. She would forever be the problem in every situation because of a fallacy she entertained as truth.

Does this sound familiar? Don’t we do the same thing? Whether someone tells us an untruth or we adopt it, somehow, we allow this silent oppression within ourselves. We are impacted mentally by the words and phrases we call ourselves. Emotionally we are held captive by the lies we choose to believe and recite like mantras inside ourselves. Physically our health suffers because we are constantly placing ourselves under stress or participating in unhealthy habits in order to cope. And spiritually we separate ourselves from God’s truth and identity for our lives and accept the lies of this world as our truth.

Our inner dialogue matters. The words and phrases we beat ourselves up with impact us. And the lies we believe impact our self-esteem and self-worth. And our students do the same thing too.

Do the Heart Work

1.      What does your inner dialogue sound like? Would you want others to know what you repeat to yourself?

2.      How can you help reframe the inner dialogue of your students?

3.      Explain the slow demise of a person who has no self-worth.

Digging Deeper

              Sometimes we’ve told ourselves lies for so long, it’s hard to remember the truth. Here are some scriptures to help you remember what God really thinks of you.

1.      Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7 (ESV)

2.      But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (ESV)

3.      As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12 (NIV)

4.      See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1 (ESV)

5.      For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)

If You Get Spare Time 

              What do you wish could have happened for you at a younger age that would have helped change the negative thinking that often comes into your mind? Brainstorm on how you can offer this help to your students.