Obligation

Day 2, Motives

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7 (ESV)

I grew up in a traditional Southern Baptist church, and my parents were heavily involved in many roles. We attended every time the doors were open: Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. We sang in the choir, played in the orchestra, did all the events. There was no excuse for missing unless we were really sick or out of town for something important. Even though my parents’ intention was good and I’m grateful for the solid training, as I aged, the line between desire and obligation blurred. And the blurrier it became, the more obligation won out.

 Obligation accompanied people pleasing. I hated telling people no because in my mind I was letting them down. But then the closer the commitment came, the more obligated I felt. Sometimes it felt like pure drudgery and all I wanted to do was back out; but once I committed, I was stuck.

This was my life for years. Being a people pleasing yes person who was over committed and obligated to continue in the same cycle. I lost all sense of joy for serving. I had no idea how to enjoy things I was doing. And in reality, I was stealing someone else’s whole hearted yes.

So, what is at the root of obligation? For one, expectations. We feel like there is a hidden set of expectations for us and we make sure we measure up to those self-created expectations.  Then if we don’t, we create self-imposed guilt. That guilt propels us to keep saying yes and committing because we don’t want to let anyone down. Then we are in a cycle that never stops. Our attitude becomes sour and we begin to despise the project or job we’re doing. After more time has passed, the negativity seeps into those around us and projects onto others. Faking it until we make it isn’t possible but quitting is an option. And we stay stuck, miserable, and in a yes situation way too long. Sometimes months, sometimes years.

As teachers, we are often required to teach certain content or use purchased curriculum. In my mind, requirement and obligation are two different things. We may be required to use a  certain brand curriculum, but being obligated takes on an attitude of the heart that tends to lean toward misery. We can either teach the material from a joyful place or a miserable place. The choice is ours.

My challenge to all of us who are in the field of education: when a task, chore, or job becomes an obligation, we need to step back and check our hearts. Living the life God calls us to should never be drudgery; instead it should be our total joy.

Do the Heart Work

1.      In what ways do you feel obligated?

2.      Are there any parts of your job that feel like drudgery? Why?

3.      In what ways do you over-commit yourself and then regret it later? Why do you think you do that?

Digging Deeper

Read Acts 5:1-11 (NIV)

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”

When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”

“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”

 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”

At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.

              People pleasing and obligation make us do crazy things. In this case, it cost both Ananias and Sapphira their lives. What motivated them to lie about the amount they received from the piece of land? They wanted to have the appearance and stature that Barnabus and others had. They weren’t selling their land for the good of  the people or for God, they were selling the land for status and reputation. That’s what people pleasing and obligation does: it creates false narratives in my mind, making wrongly motivated directions seem right.

If You Get Spare Time 

              Recall times in the past ten years when you felt obligated. Was it forced on you or did you guilt yourself into it? Are you able to say no, or do you struggle in this department? Are you overcommitted? Examine your existence and pledge to get back on the service train without the obligation piece.